i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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