I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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