You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
