apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
