if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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