piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we're making bets on your personal life
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
