Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.