in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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