hotties wanna shake it
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life