before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains