I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants