i permit you to call me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.