i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless