While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office