ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
