what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
