Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
