So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
