my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
