me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
