those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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