Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
