Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
