don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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