he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
