cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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