I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
