you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
