How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
