I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
