god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
