he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
