Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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