he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
