How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
