girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
