Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize