There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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