im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just had sex on a roof
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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