your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
