i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
