She is in my trunk
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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