Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
