Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
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You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
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Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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