no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
