when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
