Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
