oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
