I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
