from now on my penis is your penis
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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