I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
