Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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