woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
