She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They have beer where we have blood.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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