i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
