Tell her she can't have a vagina
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
