he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
