...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
