I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize