best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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