Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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