she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
