If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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