yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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