I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
