i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
