Me. At least after what I've been through.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
