They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
