I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
3 2 1 whiskey
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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