A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
