just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just high enough for therapy.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
